Be a rainbow in someone's cloud...

The past few days have been soul crushingly hard. You never expect bad news when it comes, but when it comes it hits like a ton a bricks and knocks the wind out of you.

On Thursday afternoon I like many former co-workers of mine were notified of the loss of one of our own. Colin Millican Jr. was more than just a co-worker of mine he was like family. As ER nurses we see death more than most. We see the pain and feel the pain along with our patients/families. The pain feels worse when it’s one of our own.

Colin, you were the sweetest, the kindest, the silliest little shit head I had the pleasure of working with. I treasure all of our talks about life, relationships and all the giggles we shared. You made the hardest days that much easier and always found a way to make me smile when I was in my grouchy moods. I was looking forward to watching your journey unfold and now I and so many others are robbed of that. Being away from home and hearing about your passing has done a number on me, I am thankful for the new friends I have made here that have been more than kind to me and allowed me to shed my tears and have the times I've needed by myself. If I've learned anything from you is to not take life to seriously, to laugh and to share my love for life with others. Some days this is harder than others but, I'm working on it each day.

Some days, I find it hard to look at this girl and tell her that she kind, she is beautiful and she is smart. Most days my brain tells me that I'm not as pretty as another girl, I'm not as important other people, I'm not worthy of the same love I give others. Its been a battle within my mind that I have faced for the longest time, and I remember the talks you and I had about how you struggled with some of the same issues and within you I found a kindred spirit. So in a honor of you Colin I am challenging myself to get out of my head live life to the fullest and tell this girl that she is beautiful, worthy of all the love out there, and a work in progress. I am so thankful and blessed to have met and known you.

I have taken some much needed breaks from the hustle and bustle to just sit in the silence and feel everything that I am feeling. In times of heartache I always seem to find myself seeking solitude with mother nature, in the beauty of her simplicity. She always seems to know when I need a slowdown.

"Prepare yourself so that you can be a rainbow in somebody else’s cloud. Somebody who may not look like you, may not call God the same name you call God—if they call God at all—you see? And may not eat the same dishes prepared the way you do, may not dance your dances, or speak your language. But be a blessing to somebody; that’s what I think." – Dr. Maya Angelou

As I wind down this assignment I cant help but be thankful for all the friends I have made here. Being here has refreshed my soul and reminded me how beautiful life can be even in the darkest of times if you choose to see the light that life has to offer. Thank you Colin for being a rainbow in my cloud, I'll take your memory with me everywhere I go.

xoxo,

Destinee